The bully story

This story is not part of our series because it is probably more appropriate for elementary-aged children rather than preschoolers. Still, it’s such an important topic, we have decided to share our thoughts – and hope you will share yours as well.

In our otherwise happy early childhood, there was a bully who tormented Little Honey and Angel one summer.  We tried all sorts of little kid techniques to stop it, such as shouting “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." But eventually and unfortunately, the bully started to hit and hurt us until our mother stepped in and put an end to it.  We never played with the bully again. We know now that breaking bones and nasty words are both hurtful and harmful and, both physical and emotional abuse, can have a lasting impact on children and adults.

There are even laws against bullying.  Maryland State Government has adopted a policy against Workplace Bullying with consequences and disciplinary action including termination for the bully.  Pursuant to its Bullying in the Workplace Policy, workplace bullying is defined as intentional, persistent, malicious, unwelcome, severe, or pervasive conduct that harms, intimidates, offends, degrades or humiliates an employee, at the place of work or during the course of employment.

In addition, the Maryland State Department of Education requires all county boards of education to adopt bullying policies for the county school system. But the reality on the ground is that children are still hurt by physical and emotional bullying.  My grandson, a loving and kind child with a huge village of loving parents, grandparents and extended family and friends was tormented relentlessly last school year by a group of 4-6 children in a public elementary school.  It started with the milder, but frequent and demeaning, put-downs about the clothes he wore and activities important to him. He refused to report it because he was afraid of losing his friends, even when the bullying escalated and they told him, “We wish you would die because then you wouldn’t be in our school.”  and “Maybe I’ll get a knife to kill you, so you won’t be here anymore.” 

And then just like in our childhood,  it turned physical – moving a chair before he sat down, shoving an elbow to his head, punching him in the arms and stomach. The effect on my grandson’s self-esteem has been devastating as he internalized and blamed himself for the bullying. He also experienced panic attacks and anxiety. The school did step in last year, but then stepped out again this year.  My grandson was assigned to a class with all but one of the same bullies, and it began all over again. 

Fortunately, we were able to transfer my grandson to a different school where there is a stronger no tolerance policy for bullying with definitive repercussions.  But the impact on him is still very present.

​Do you have experience with bullying either in childhood or as an adult or with your own children?  Was it resolved?  If so, when and how has it impacted your life or the life of someone you love?