In our book, The Baseball Story, Little Honey dreams of hitting a homerun and is willing to work hard to make her dream come true. She also dreams of joining the Orioles baseball team someday. As parents we see our children choose goals – some of which are achievable and some of which are not.
The challenge comes in as we try to guide children in making the best decisions including when to persevere and when to abandon a goal. Watching our children repeatedly try to achieve a goal without success is stressful for us and we understand and empathize with their frustration. Yet, the ability to overcome obstacles to achieve a goal can help develop self-confidence and improve the likelihood of success well into adulthood. The development of perseverance and grit in children may be a stronger predictor of academic success than inherent intelligence. We assume that children, like adults, are motivated by praise. But children have very different needs than adults and praise that focuses on things that children can’t control – such as their appearances or their intelligence – can ironically cause erosion in their sense of self-confidence. Instead we should praise children on the things they can control such as the amount of effort and time they put into a task. Other ways we can help our children in pursuing goals is providing a role model for meeting challenges. We can also ensure that children have small, achievable victories so that they can experience success. Finally we can provide emotional support as it becomes clear that a goal is insurmountable. Children’s literature is yet another way one way to reinforce persistence and hard work in young children. The plot of one of our favorite childhood books, The Little Engine That Could has often been used as an example for young children of working hard to attain a challenging objective. We would like to believe that the lessons in The Baseball Story may be useful to parents in much the same way. If you have some life experiences or tips to help young children in developing grit and perseverance please share in the comments.
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We first find Little Honey not making good choices in The Icing Story. She is entrusted to keep an eye on Angel’s birthday cake, lovingly made by Angel and Mommy. Little Honey wants to do the right thing but finds the icing on the cake irresistible and ruins the cake, not once, but twice, as her finger seems to find a life of its own.
Our story shows Mommy's growing frustration with Little Honey. However, in The Icing Story Mommy also gives Little Honey the space she needs to admit to her mistake. It’s not until after Little Honey reflects on what she did that Mommy lets Little Honey know that she is still loved even though everyone knew about the error in judgment. This is one way to provide guidance and support rather than punishment as a child works through what they did. Making mistakes is quite normal for children and allowing children to learn from their mistakes can support their personal growth including increasing resilience. Letting children learn from their mistakes can also help them acquire essential social and emotional tools for success. There are other ways that a mischievous child can be made more cognizant of their errors. Determining the best way to discipline children can be one of the greatest challenges that parents face. Part of the reason for this is because discipline is very individual. For a disciplinary measure to be effective it must be taken seriously by the child. For example, one common method of disciplining children is the use of timeout. Some children feel the impact of a timeout but others may actually enjoy the peace and quiet of a timeout. A favorite childhood book of ours, Tootle, features a train that has left the tracks and is unwilling to return to the tracks because the meadow is such a nice place to be. Tootle’s teacher, Bill, sets up red flags in the meadow and a green flag on the tracks to guide Tootle back on the track. The use of the flags was the right disciplinary action to guide the train. Feel free to share any experiences you have had in takings disciplinary action that has provided guidance to a young child. In our book, The Back Story, our mischievous and high-spirited Little Honey wants to be more like her sister, Angel. And Angel, who is naturally gentle and sweet, wants to be more like her sister, Little Honey. This has us wondering how much of our identities and personalities are we born with and how much do we develop as a result of our surroundings and experiences.
We believe that childhood is a critical time for us to develop our sense of self and how we relate to the world around us. Children who are able to develop a strong sense of who they are and how they fit into their family structures and cultures tend to be psychologically healthier with higher self esteem than children who are unable to do this. In the very early years, children form very concrete views of themselves – they know their age, gender, and names. But as they proceed through early childhood, the emergence of interests and aptitudes begins to shape a more personal view of who they are. Additionally, at this age children begin to attribute values to certain aspects of their personalities and of those around them. So it is quite feasible for a rambunctious child like Little Honey to value a gentler more reserved personality and for Angel to believe that being more adventurous is a worthy characteristic. Since these books are somewhat autobiographical, both of us have strong recollections of admiring each other and wanting to be more like the other without it having a negative impact on our own self-images. We also believe childhood is a time to “try on” alternate identities to see what fits and what doesn’t. We believe it’s very normal for a child to be more like Little Honey one day and more like Angel on another. A very popular children’s book, Harry the Dirty Dog, follows the story of a white dog with black spots who becomes an unrecognizable black dog with white spots after getting very dirty. In a way he loses his “identity” until he gets a bath. There are many more children’s books available that focus on personal identity and belonging. Do you have a favorite? If so, feel free to share in the comments or email us. In the Little Honey stories, the relationship between the two sisters – Little Honey and Angel – is highlighted by the love they share and the trust they have in each other. Regardless of what mischievous adventure Little Honey introduces into her relationship with Angel, love and trust always triumph. Each story is followed by Little Honey’s Little Lessons. The little lessons provide parents an opportunity for discussions with their children to emphasize a positive and collaborative sibling relationship and family love.
We are of the belief that parent efforts to create a gentler, kinder world for their children have been challenging. There are a number of reasons for this but, perhaps, none is as important as the relationships between siblings. It’s difficult to even define what a sibling is given the unique family arrangements that exist in our culture. However, if we include step, half, and adopted siblings into the mix, nearly 90% of all children are involved in a sibling relationship. Despite the ubiquity of sibling relationships and the fact that the type of relationships that exist between siblings has a direct effect on family dynamics, they have not been thoroughly studied the way parental relationships have. While children bring their own nature and characteristics into their relationships, those relationships can be both positively and negatively impacted by cultural and social factors. Children’s stories may provide parents with tools to teach positive conflict resolution and to promote sibling relationships. We remember growing up on series of sibling adventures such as in the Bobbsey Twins, which featured two sets of fraternal twins and the Boxcar Children, which featured four orphaned siblings. The recent popularity of the film, Frozen, shows clearly how attractive solid relationships between siblings are in popular culture. Perhaps you have a favorite story that you read as a child that emphasized the loving connections between brothers and sisters. If so, please share in the comments! |
Tara Ebersole
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